Celebrity Jeopardy:  Multiverse Edition
by TRUE Unknown
Summary: Time for my hand at the hilarity of SNL Jeopardy fiction! With many characters ranging from the Gundam verses, to Sonic, Mario, Haruhi, and many more! OOCness abound! Review and you can tell me which chars you'd like to see in here! R&R! Chap. 3 is up!
1. Tape 1

Celebrity Jeopardy: Multiverse 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that appear in this fic, nor do I own the concept of the humorous Celebrity Jeopardy skits. The skits belong to and are inspired from Saturday Night Live, and all characters belong to their respective owners.

--

"We now return to _Celebrityyyyyyy Jeopardyyyyyy, Multiverse Editioooon_!!" Johnny Gilbert, the announcer for Jeopardy, and good friend of Rod Roddy, the original announcer for The Price is Right, belted out at the top of his lungs! "Oh, thank Jebus I need a drink!"

At the host's podium, we see the world-famous (admittedly second only to the iconic Mario) Sonic the Hedgehog, in a suit and bowtie, weirded out by something. "Uh... Thanks, and welcome back to Celebrity Jeopardy: Multiverse Edition."

"GWAHAHAHAHA! I knew that announcer would have some grit in his vocals!"

"...And if you're just joining us, before we play Double Jeopardy, let's introduce our three contestants again and their standings!" With the camera zooming in on the three contestants, a blond-haired man in the Titans uniform, a brown hair teen in a tanktop and shorts, and a grey-haired martial artist in martial artist's garb. "These three were teamed up in their respective storylines in the Original Mode of _Dynasty Warriors: Gundam_, the game where the action stays as well as some bad lines, and the drama is filtered out for your satisfaction! And here they are!"

"Introducing me is irrelevant."

"Shut up." Clearing his throat, the blue hedgehog started. "In third place, with negative eighty-four hundred dollars, is forgettable Titans Lieutenant from the Zeta Gundam series, Jerid Messa."

"FORGETTABLE?!" The blond slammed his fist into the podium. "I'm the greatest rival of that emo-tastic punk who pilots the Zeta Gundam, Kamille Bidan!"

"And where were you when you were overshadowed by Haman Karn and the prettyboy Mr. Scirocco?"

"That's NONE of your concern, you freak!"

"Touchy, for someone who gets decked repeatedly by some blue-haired high school kid. And now while you contemplate how you're supposed to have been dead after that particular series," the hedgehog turned to the player next to the now downed-and-outted Jerid. "In second place, with negative two thousand dollars, the negative and calculative pilot of the Wing Gundam Zero, a Mr. Heero Yuy!" Green eyes turned to Heero's. "You're a notorious figure around these Jeopardy fics, Mr. Yuy."

"Fiction is irrelevent. This side diversion has little to no purpose with my mission." Heero stated matter-of-factly.

"... I suppose you haven't heard of chilling out?"

"Negative. I cannot be calm. I must prepare myself ten steps ahead of everyone else! I must prepare myself to do battle with Zechs, and restore the--"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" The third contestant belted out his opinion, so much that the stagelight above the set dimmed to a simple mood. "You two call yourselves pupils? One's too caught up on vendettas and titles, and YOU need to open yourself up and smile genuinely! Only then will you two earn the right to become MY pupils!"

"...And the man who just berated his 'teammates', as well as being the one responsible for making our announcer scream himself hoarse," Sonic pointed to the third contestant. "In first place, with negative fifty dollars, is Neo Hong Kong's representative from G Gundam, the great Master Asia!" A worried look came over the meter-tall hero. "I'm pretty sure he could destroy an iceburg by yelling his name REALLY LOUD."

Master Asia chortled loudly. "How right you are, hedgehog! I, too, have heard of your exploits; you show promise! Perhaps after the show, I could take YOU on as another of my apprentices!"

"Hey!" Jerid pointed past Heero and towards the old master. "You already have TWO students!"

"Yes, and unless you're going to improve yourself, you will both be unworthy of earning the power that my school teaches!"

"Your words are irrelevent to me. Your boasting fails to hide the fact that you are over-compensating for your pitifulness." Heero countered, smirking slightly with Jerid following up with an 'ooooo'.

"You DARE make false commentary about MY skills?" Master Asia roared aloud. "To mock my ideals is to mock the School of Master Asia!!" His roar broke down the front row of the audience seats, crushing some people, as well as one psycho-nut Yazan Gable!

"Wow!" Jerid was in awe! "THAT was controlled! AND he killed that fack-nut Yazan!"

"I request... a Satanic funeral..." Yazan gasped before he died under the pile of chairs.

"Oh yeah! We also got our audience from your respective worlds to cheer you on, taunt you, torment you, goad you into defeat, etc." Sonic announced. "Everyone from Domon Kasshu and his fiance Rain Mikamura, to Duo Maxwell and Relena Peacecraft--" His eyes turned to the sound of a readied handgun. "Heero, put the gun down."

"Very well, I will comply with your demand so as to complete this meniality--"

Jerid completely interrupted the brunette emo. "IS KAMILLE UP THERE?!"

"Uh, I don't think so... Oh wait, yes he is."

"KAMILLE BIDAN!!!" The blond lieutenant yelled outloud, only to reel back in terror at a most horrid sight: His hated rival, with Haman Karn cuddling upclose to him, almost smiling at seeing Fa Yuiry cry outloud. "HEY! Why are you with that wench who killed the leader of the Titans that isn't Scirocco?"

"At least I'M getting laid, Jerid Messa!" Kamille harped back, with the pink haired Haman laughing out loud and at the blond Titan.

"Kamille," Fa sobbed. "She's only using you because you're young, strong, and a Newtype!"

"Our psychiatrists said that that's the best we can hope for."

Sonic pinched his temple. "Okay, head pills and Freudian skills aside, people, let's get back to Double Jeopardy! Now let's head to our board to see our categories." And as the point values were being put on the board via the 'boop-be-boop-be-booping', the hedgehog raised an eyebrow. "Odd... I turned that sound effect off."

"Ghosts are illogical." Heero stated.

"Who said anything about ghosts, Mr. Yuy?" After an uncharacteristic 'D'oh' from Mr. Yuy, the host looked at the board on top. "And the topics are: _Juice_, _Potent Potables_, _Cleaning Products that end in 'ysol'_, _Kitty or Puppy_, _the letter Z_, and _Famous Italian Plumbers_. Just to remind you all, the answers in THAT category are ALL Mario."

"We are not intellectual rejects, foolish host." Heero said.

"Oh, we'll see... Jerid, since you dug yourself the deepest hole, why don't you go first?"

"Fine! Anything to get my attention off of Kamille..." He shuddered in horror, seeing his hated rival make out with the pink-haired ruler of the Axis. "Ew... they're _getting at it_... but, uh, I'll take _Cleaning Products that end in 'ysol'_ for 800, Sonic."

"Okay, now here's the clue! Appearing as floor cleaners, dish soaps, and aerosol sprays, this cleaning product brand ends in 'ysol'." A buzz blipped from Heero's podium. "Heero?"

"What is Drysol?"

"No, that is incorrect... And I can see that the madness begins now..." He looked at the other two. "Jerid or Master Asia? ...C'mon, I'm giving you guys some--" The next buzz came from Jerid's spot. "There we go. Jerid?"

"What is Murder the A.E.U.G?"

"...Head not exactly in the clouds, Jeri boy?" Sonic shrugged and looked at Master Asia. "You?"

"The fumes cause nausea, and the aerosol cans detract from our already frail ozone layer. This world truly sickens me! Curse Lysol!"

"Sorry Master Asia, but if you had said that in the form of a question, you would have bested your pupils..." Sonic lamented.

"YOU SUCK, MASTER!" Domon yelled loudly at the stage.

"Domon, compose yourself!" Rain chided her fiance. "You said you wouldn't yell anymore."

"Right..." Domon gathered himself back together, his voice no longer plagued with _'Master Asitis.'_ "Besides, I've already beaten him once in a grand battle. Now I can just settle myself down with you." Unfortunately, a 'wha-pish' sound from Master Asia re-ignited the flame. "**THAT'S IT!!** GUNDAM FIGHT AFTER YOU FAIL THIS SHOW, MASTER!!"

"Domon!!"

"RAIN, THIS TIME HE DESERVES IT!!"

"MWAHAHA! Master Asia looks forward to it, Domon Kasshu!"

"Anyway... since you ALL fail... Heero, you pick."

"Mission acknowledged." Heero said rather mechanically. "I will select _Kitty or Puppy_ for 1200."

"Okay then, here's your visual clue." Sonic presses the remote to show a clip of a chubby Welsh Corgi puppy walking around. "Is this a kitty or a puppy?"

Jerid immediately buzzed in. "It's a dog!"

"Sorry Jeri boy, you had to say it as a question!"

"WHAT THE--WHAT IS A--" He ran out of time. "DAMMIT! I still have three more payments on my black Gundam Mark II!"

Yazan started struggling under the pile again. "Y-you still owe me... nine hundred..."

"Oh crap," Sonic sighed. "The nutbag's soul found its way back to his body." He looked at the other two contestants, and not at Haman Karn and Kamille Bidan inexplicably eating Yazan's creepy soul. "Heero or Master Asia?"

Heero buzzed in next. "What is a Cardigan Welsh Corgi?"

"Can you be less specific please?"

The Wing Zero pilot's eyes bugged out. Struggling, he managed to say, "What is a... ... **puppy**?"

"That is correct, Heero! And that was the best line you've EVER said!"

"I will kill you, hedgehog." Heero interrupted.

"That makes you nearing Master Asia's lead! Pick your next category!"

"Very well. I select the Letter Z for 1200, Sonic."

"Okay, then here's your clue! This is the last letter in the English alphabet." He looked at the three of them, staring in blankness. "C'mon, it's not that hard..." Master Asia soon buzzed in. "Oh thank goodness. Master Asia?"

"What is Zachs?" Master Asia said proudly.

"...No!"

"Imbecile..." Heero quipped, before buzzing in himself. "What is Zechs?"

"...You fail as well, Heero. Worst of all, I don't know whether you're doing this on purpose or not... Jerid?" Sonic looked at the blond lieutenant, disturbed by the unholy sight of Yazan's freaky soul getting slurped by two pairs of lips. "Okaaaayy... the answer was, what is Z? Master Asia, it looks like it's your turn to pick."

Chortling again, Master Asia pointed to the board. "VERY WELL! I will select the _School of Master Asia_ for 2000, hedgehog!"

Sonic looked back at the categories, seeing them all as their original states. "Yeah... if it was up there, then I'd let you pick it."

"Look again, hedgehog! For I... am MASTER ASIA!!"

At the terrifying level of his voice, the _Famous Italian Plumbers_ category soon turned into _**The School of Master Asia**_!!

"Whoa! That's so cool!" Came the Bronx-y voice of Duo Maxwell in the audience, sitting beside Relena Peacecraft. "Hey Heero! Why can't YOU do something like that?" The response came in the form of Relena Peacecraft getting shot inbetween the eyes, then dropping down. "HEY! YA MISSED, YA BASTID!"

"Negative! My shot was accurate! But tempt me again and that will be YOUR corpse joining her." Heero stated coldly.

"Yeah, just make sure ya win this time!"

"Anyways... let's see..." Sonic immediately double taked. "_The School of Master Asia_... for 2000..." The blue hedgehog looked on in confusion. "Whatever... here's the clue: 'Sekiha Tenkyoken' is the final technique that students of this prestigious martial art can learn." He turned to see Master Asia all proud, and Heero and Jerid all confused.

Jerid buzzed in eventually. "What is Tae Kwon Do?"

"Tae Kwo--" Standing up out of his seat, Neo Hong Kong's representative marched over to the blond Titan and punches him hard into the backboard. "Don't even get me STARTED on that low-tier Martial Art!"

"Just so I don't suffer any heavy migraines later, I'm going to allow this..." Sonic sighed, and that became a groan when Heero buzzed in. "Heero Yuy?"

"What is the School of Master Asia?"

The blue hero's eyes widened. "That's correct! And thanks to the secret blue lightning points, that brings your score to... a big fat zero, putting you JUST a little bit above Master Asia."

"Show me what you're made of, Heero!" The Master goaded.

"I will kill you." Heero reciprocated.

"I am in serious pain..." Jerid groaned in defeat.

"And since I'm tired of putting up with you guys, let's just skip on over to Final Jeopardy." And tossing away the cue card immediately, he smiled. "And now, the category is... to draw a picture of me!" As the lights dimmed and the contestants eventually got to their stations, Sonic continued. "Stick figure, polygonal, even Amano-styled drawings will net you the win! Just get to drawing a sketch, or a crude draft, or even tagged graffiti of me!"

And with that, the music ends and the lights come back on! Ignoring Fa's scream of Yazan's corpse being completely stripped clean, the audience settles back down.

"And let's see how many of you actually listened to me." Sonic walked over to Jerid's podium. "Okay, let's see what you drew." On the blue screen came... a lewd position of Haman and Kamille, without clothing or decency. "... WOW. That's VERY impressive, to sketch out a potential H-doujin scene within the timeframe of ten seconds."

"I got a lot of time on my hands..."

"Clearly you do... but that's still incorrect, since I asked you to do ME. Now let's what you wagered... _The Gundam Mark II_?!" He looked into the Titan's eyes. "You, sir, clearly need a good night's sleep... for a week."

"Every moment I live is agony..." Then two men in white appeared and grabbed Jerid's arms. "Can I go to bed...?"

"Only if you promise not to draw any yaoi h-doujins." Sonic shrugged again and walked past Heero to Master Asia. "And you, Master Asia?"

"Don't bother! I destroyed my podium! With my pinky!" This was proven by the rubble standing under Master Asia's feet.

"Okay, that's just dandy..." He walked right towards the Wing Zero pilot. "Now Mr. Yuy, let's see what you drew out..." The blue screen revealed a poorly drawn oval, with a circle on top of it, and three triangles on its 'back.' "Well... despite your best efforts, Mr. Yuy, you managed to meet the minimum standard of this question!"

"Damn it..." Heero seethed, then smiled genuinely.

"Let's see what you wagered. You wagered... 'Gohegdeh eht Cinos'." His eyes narrowed slightly. "Cute, but that trick only works on Alex Trebek! And lord knows we haven't seen HIM since the 'Great Sean Connery Purge'!"

"I hate you, hedgehog."

"Yeah, don't we all!" Sonic tosses his suit off in sudden disgust. "And that's all for this week's episode! Hell knows if this will EVER see the light of day again! So see you freaks around!" And with a bolt of light, the blue speed demon disappeared in a flash!

The bellowing laugh of Master Asia continued on. "That was fun! Perhaps I will give this hosting a shot! But first, I must battle that idiot Domon, and make myself the godfather of his soon-to-be unborn baby!"

--

_Maybe we'll see y'all next time!_


	2. Tape 2

Celebrity Jeopardy: Multiverse 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that appear in this fic, nor do I own the concept of the humorous Celebrity Jeopardy skits. The skits belong to and are inspired from Saturday Night Live, and all characters belong to their respective owners.

--

"Welcome back to _Celebrityyyyyy Jeopardyyyyyy: Multiverse Editiooooon_!"

The spotlight soon shined on the new host, dressed in his same martial artist garb and a red bowtie, the illustrious Master Asia took center stage at his podium. "Welcome back, students of the School of Master Asia, to Celebrity Jeopardy: Multiverse Edition! Since that hedgehog isn't available, I am being the host for today. And if you are just joining us, before we up our training and move on to Double Jeopardy, let's re-introduce my three pitiful contestants."

"Stop calling us pitiful, old man!!"

"You watch your mouth." Master Asia chided. "In third place, the red-headed girl with a superiority-complex and a temper to boot, and a Mobile Suit pilot, it's idiot pupil #2, one Asuka Langley Soryu!"

"I TOLD YOU," Asuka shouted from the middle stand. "It's not called a 'Mobile Suit', it's called an EVA, and I will rip off your genitals for lying that **I**, the great Asuka Soryu, have a complex, when you couldn't be anymore WRONG, because I AM perfect!"

"Well," the old man smirked. "You certainly ARE the master... at never keeping your mouth shut!" A visible vein popped up on her forehead. "Although I don't imagine why someone would watch your back, your fellow 'EVA' pilots, Rei Ayanami and Shinji Ikari, are here to support you."

"WHAT?!" Her eyes focused on the red-eyed girl and the brunette teen in the audience. "YOU ACTUALLY BROUGHT WONDER GIRL AND THE EMO-WUSS??"

"She called me an _emo_... it's even worse than when she called me a wuss, pushed me around, and kissed me half-heartedly..." Shinji emo-ed as usual... until something in him snapped, making him stand up in the stands. "**F$2)** YOU, ASUKA!"

"YES! That's it!" Master Asia was thusly impressed. "STAND UP TO HER! SHOW MASTER ASIA YOUR POTENTIAL!"

"YOU THINK I HAVE NO REASON TO BE THE WAY I AM? MY MOM MAY HAVE BEEN ABSORBED INTO MY EVA, BUT AT LEAST _MY_ MOM NEVER KILLED HERSELF OR STRANGLED A DOLL SHE THOUGHT WAS ME!" That unexpected rebuttal made the audience roll in a standing ovation, making Shinji smile.

Only fury crossed the redhead's mind. "Okay Ikari that's it you're **f#!$ing** DEAD!!"

"YOU WILL RETURN TO YOUR SEAT, FOR MASTER ASIA DICTATES IT!" His authority overrode her rage, seeing her sit back in very uneasy hesitance. "Very well... We move on now to idiot pupil #3, in second place. A hedgehog girl who calls herself the 'girlfriend of Sonic the Hedgehog', even though she is VERY delusional and has given him runs for his money. Re-introduce yourself, Amy Rose!"

"Okay!" the pink hedgehog cheerfully began, much to Asuka's chagrin. "I am a strong woman, who won't take no for an answer, and will follow my lover Sonic until the end of the world if I have to! Sonic will one day see that we are _destined_ to be together!"

"Sounds like a big waste of time, dummkopf." Asuka snapped. A very deadly mistake that ended her with a hammer to the face.

"IT IS NOT A WASTE OF TIME!!"

"Certainly, this small pink furry will more than try the patience of my liver..." Master Asia mused. "Well, in the stands for you Ms. Rose, we have one Miles Prower and one Knuckles the Echidna."

"Forget it, Mr. Asia." The two-tailed fox genius known commonly as Tails called aloud. "If Sonic isn't around, she won't pay attention to you."

"It's MASTER Asia, little one."

"You mean you gotta say the whole thing, like _'A Pimp named Slickback'_?" the red echidna asked.

"That would be correct, illogical animal mutations." Rei eventually spoke in her quiet, robotic tone.

"Tails, I hate her..."

"Knuckles, we all do." Tails added.

"And now, while I let my pupils thin themselves out to ease my burden, I will go to idiot pupil #1 in first place: the co-founder and leader of the strangely called 'SOS Brigade', the brunette girl from Japan, one Haruhi Suzumiya!" Letting herself go into a self-cheer of 'WOOOO!', he then followed up with a question. "You carry the banner of your brigade with you. So tell Master Asia, what is it that the SOS Brigade does?"

"I'm very glad you asked, old man!" Haruhi began. "The SOS Brigade follows my motives in life: to seek out supernatural, otherworldly experiences! We look for ESPers, Sliders, Time Travellers, Aliens, evil syndicates, and the heroes who fight them! That's what the SOS Brigade stands for!"

"Hmm... A noble endeavor in life." Master Asia smirked, moving to the center of the stage. "You want to see a feat of superhuman skill?" Instantly, his hands dug into the floor, ripping off a nice chunk of ground and tile, holding it now above his head!

"Wow... you really AREN'T all talk." Asuka said disappointedly, halting her fight with Amy..

"WOW!!" The SOS leader was in awe. "You've gotta teach ME how to do that!!"

"If you wish to acquire the secrets of my power, then defeat all before you in this game!" Master Asia tossed the chunk aside into the stand, unknowingly crushing Yuki Nagato and Rei Ayanami. "Emerge the winner, and I will award you with initiating you into the **School of Master Asia**!"

"Uh, sir!" Co-founder of the SOS Brigade, Kyon, called out. "I would advise you to not bestow upon her any superpowers!" Mikuru Asahina, dressed in bunny-girl garb, put her hand on his shoulder to calm him. "But she doesn't NEED superpowers! She's a FREAKIN' _GOD_!"

"Huh?" Haruhi was annoyed by the confusion in the audience. "What's Kyon talking about?"

"Maybe he's talking about how much this old Master sucks!" Asuka deliberately insulted the host.

"Congratulations, Asuka Soryu, you have just earned the right to feel a genuine attack of the **School of Master Asia**!" Energy started glowing in the palms of Master Asia. "_SHUHEI! OHOPAI! DAISHAHEI!!_" With that, he launches a shot of energy at the redhead. The attack didn't seem to phase her.

"HA!" She smugly gloated. "Is that ALL you got?"

"Oh, that attack was meant to be delayed. For you will feel that pain in one minute, when one of your ribs snap cleanly in half." He turned to the board. "That will be enough time for me to list out the categories for Double Jeopardy! Now pay attention, idiot disciples!" The categories were coming up in their usual style. "Ah! Here are your training grounds: _CDs_, _Egg-shaped Men_, _Chili_, _Tree or Flower_, _Potent Potables_, and _The School of Master Asia_!" He smirked brightly. "By the way, your minute is up."

Asuka suddenly coughed up blood, clutching her side. "OH GOD... The pain..."

"Miiiiiind rape." Shinji sang out.

"SHUT UP YOU DUMB BAKA!!"

The host shot his finger at one of the contestants. "Amy Rose, it is your choice, so impress Master Asia!"

"Okay!" She started getting hearts in her eyes. "I pick _Sonic's Girlfriend_ for 300!"

"... Here's your clue: You're an idiot and you're overestimating your worth!"

Haruhi buzzed in immediately. "What is Amy Rose?"

"HEY!"

Master Asia could only smirk once more. "I applaud your enthusiasm, Haruhi, but that is NOT a category. AMY, pick a REAL category!"

"FINE! I pick _CDs_ for 1200!"

"Good. Now here's your REAL clue! The answer to this clue is CD." The Representative of Neo Hong Kong looked at his three pupils looking all confused.

The eyes of the red-headed EVA pilot lit up. "Of course! It's a trick question!" She buzzed in quickly. "What's a DVD?"

"... You have shamed your psychotic dead mother even further." Ignoring what was essentially her shocked expression, Master Asia looked at the other two. "Amy or Haruhi?" The timer expired. "You were on the right track, Asuka, but the answer WAS 'What is a CD?' Haruhi, select a category!"

"YEAH! I'm picking _ESPers, Aliens, or Time Travellers_ for 1000!"

"Yay, Haruhi-san..." Mikuru waved innocently.

"START WAVING THAT VICTORY BANNER OF MINE ALREADY, MIKURU!!"

"Hoooeeeee..." The scared time traveller started waving her banner violently.

"Enthusiasm aside, pick another category."

"WHAT?! What a pain... I'll take _Tree or Flower_ for 400."

"Excellent choice. Now, here's your clue." Master Asia showed a picture of the flowers of an apple tree. "Is this a Tree or a Flower?"

Amy immediately buzzed in. "What is the Love that my Sonic will give me one day??"

"...WRONG."

"Idiot!" Asuka sneered, before buzzing in herself. "What is a flower?"

"A palpable guess, but if you want me to dress myself in lederhosen, then you are _wrong_!" Master Asia barked.

"Impossible! They have petals, so they have to be flowers!"

"If you were one with nature, you would see the semblance, but since you do not, you are unworthy!" He turned to the SOS leader. "Haruhi?"

"Well, if it's not a flower, by elimination, what is a tree?"

"Very well done, pupil #1. You have risen amongst the filth and impressed Master Asia! Only you would have seen that that is the flower of an apple tree." Ignoring Asuka's frustration and Amy's confusion, Master Asia looked at the fuming red-head. "Asuka, take your best shot at me!"

"Oh, you better believe I will!" She lept from her seat and jumped at Master Asia, only to have her wrist gripped hard by his stoic stance. "WHAT... THE...?!"

"You _dare_ misinterpret Master Asia?" He crossly barked. He tossed her back to her seat with a loud thud. "Try again, 'dummkopf'."

"WHY... YOU..." She regained her composure soon after, trying to salvage what little was left of 'the great Asuka Langley Soryu.' "... Fine! I'm picking _Chili _for 1600!"

"Very well! Here's..." The clue unveiled itself to be... "MWAHAHA! A Daily Double! Now... since you have no money to wager, I think it is only fair that in turn for you taking an attempt at my life, poor as it was, I get to give you something as harsh in return."

"FINE! I'M NOT AFRAID OF YOU, OLD MAN!"

"Desperate courage alone will not spare you from a guaranteed whooping. But here is the clue. What is this category talking about: Chili, Chilly, or Chile?"

From the audience, Shinji Ikari was uncharacteristically grinning at the stunned appearance of the Asuka. "Oh, she's as good as gone."

"Popcorn?" Knuckles offered the ex-emo (at least here anyway) a bucket.

"With pleasure!"

"Knuckles, where did you get that?" The two-tailed fox was confused.

"I am in pain..." Rei Ayanami stated under the slab of broken floor.

"I am in pain as well..." Yuki Nagato added in the same exact voice as the soulless red-eyed girl.

The echidna's eyes bugged out. "That's just weird..."

"Wh-what is..." Asuka was stammering on the question. "What is the food?"

"...Congratulations, Asuka Soryu." Master Asia clapped slowly. "You did not answer the question correctly at all. Meaning you get to experience, first-hand, this skill of mine!" With an unsettling force of darkness channeling through his body, the purple aura was making itself manifest. "The School of Master Asia! _Final Technique_!"

"Oh... crap..."

"_**SEKIHA TENKYOKEN**_!!" The manifested blast knocked Asuka, as well as her podium off her feet. "I added a little more strength in that. For in a year's time, you will **explode** in a bath of blood and violence." His smile turned to evil. "I'd suggest making yourself a better person, so you won't go down as a narcissitic girl who walks over the lesser people."

"They... are all... pathetic fools..." Asuka pushed her podium back into place.

"And now..." The sound of the timer graced the studio. "It's time to advance your training to its final stage, idiot disciples! It's time for Final Jeopardy!" He began getting overwhelmed with determination. "And instead of doing the menial topic of 'Sega's Iconic Mascot'," A groan left Amy's mouth. "You will write a question to me!" And as the Jeopardy theme continued, Master Asia was straining himself, training in the center of the stage. "You will be marked on poise, elegance, stance, and degree of the question in relation to ME!!" Belting out repeated fists against the now bruised air, the theme stopped, and he bowed. "Now... let's see your questions."

"You'll be impressed, you old codger!" Asuka snapped.

"Hmm, you'll be first then, you eager fool." He walked over to her podium. "Let's see, you put down... 'How are you so confident about your skills if you're wrinkled and old, Master--'" He stared with anger at Asuka. "You have failed my initiation, fool. Now leave my sight, and never return!"

"FINE!" She huffed and walked out the studio. "AAAAAAAAAAUUUGH--" Was the following sound of an explosion.

"Hmm, I guess I set it too soon..." He smiled wide. "Oh well." He walked over next to Amy Rose. "Amuse me, small one. Let's see what you wrote down?" Her giggling frame couldn't hold back what she wanted to say. "You wrote down... 'Do you really know Sonic, Master Asia?' Well, I can only say I know of him from his many adventures, and not of the faulty next-gen games for him. Although the Secret Rings is a mixed ground for him, regardless, it is a poor question to ask of me. Unfortunately, you have pitifully met the minimum criteria. And what have you wagered? ... 'Take me to him'... How about NO?"

"Curses!"

"You're still in the running, but will Haruhi best you, hedgehog?" He walked over to the leader of the SOS Brigade. "Now, let's see what you have presented to Master Asia! ... 'Are you an alien, ESPer, time traveller, slider, member of an evil syndicate, hero, or any of the above?'"

"Well, you're super strong. So are you?"

"In the series I came from, I DID join up with the evil Devil Gundam with the purpose of annihilating humanity to return nature to its full glory. And in Dynasty Warriors: Gundam, I did have to work together with those fools Jerid Messa and Heero Yuy." His Master smile became genuine. "That is an excellent question to ask me, Haruhi Suzumiya! And what have you wagered? 'Will you join the SOS Brigade?' I will join your rag-tag crew of miscreants, Haruhi!"

"WHAT?!" Kyon was in outstanded surprise.

"Congratulations, Haruhi! In exchange for my joining your Brigade, I will make each and EVERY one of you into my disciples, so that you will take on the WORLD!!"

"ALRIGHT! I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT!" Haruhi roared with delight.

"Together, we shall make this..."

United, Haruhi and Master Asia posed, with the East burning red! "THE SOS BRIGADE OF MASTER ASIA!!!"

"Uh..." The announcer of Jeopardy, Johnny Gilbert, looked around. "Tune in next time when we get a new host and new fools as contestants for--"

"WITH MORE MOTIVATION! HARUHI, JOIN US!"

"OKAY, MASTER!"

"_CELEBRITYYYYYYYYYYYYYY JEOPARDYYYYYYYY MULTIVEEEEEERRRRRRRRSE EDITIOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNN_!!!"

"...Yes."

--

_Maybe we'll see y'all next time!_


	3. Tape 3

Celebrity Jeopardy: Multiverse 

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters that appear in this fic, nor do I own the concept of the humorous Celebrity Jeopardy skits. The skits belong to and are inspired from Saturday Night Live, and all characters belong to their respective owners.

And if you didn't notice before, everyone's EXTREMELY OOC when they're not acting like they should. Have fun!

--

"Welcome to... is he gone?" The announcer asked. "Good. Welcome to _Celebrity Jeopardy: Multiverse Edition_! With your new host for the day, Kira Yamato!"

The brunette Gundam Coordinator of Gundam Seed, dressed in casual clothes, and as customary to all announcers, a bowtie, walked out to the main podium. He waited for the slight applause to die down. "Welcome everyone, to today's episode of CJ:ME! Hope you all don't mind that abbreviation." He cleared his throat. "I'm here because I'm the only available replacement, since Master Asia is making the SOS Brigade his personal whipping disciples... that, and Mr. Sonic's still joy-riding Jerid's Gundam MK-II... Anyway, today's show might be a little alienating to most of you, since our contestants are a LITTLE more than ordinary."

"INTRODUCE US, HUMAN!"

"Hold on, I'm getting to you!" Kira retorted. "Anyway, our contestants all come from the fictional video game 'Odin Sphere'. All ten of you people out there probably know them already, so I'd like to introduce our three dragon contestants." The spotlight shined firstly on a blue, purple, and yellow-ish scaled dragon with a slender, snake-like body with feet and claws. "Tell us a little about yourself, Mr. Belial."

"Grudgingly." His deep voice echoed. "I am a dragon, whose soul is enslaved by a crotchety human wizard, forcing me to fight and kill against my very soul."

"I too hate fighting when it's unnecessary." Kira plighted, hoping to connect.

"Don't think you can relate your unwillingness to fight alongside my own, mortal." Belial almost spat at him. "But because you bear no ill will to me, I will say, it's good to be here. Although, I am uncomfortably cramped..." He coughed up a ball of armor pieces. "Sorry..."

"I'm not complaining, Mr. Belial. But I think you should see a doctor about that."

"No MORTAL doctor can cure my soul from having to give old crotchety wizards sponge baths... The pain will never end..."

"HA! INTRODUCE ME NOW, PITIFUL HUMAN! OR I WILL ROAST YOU AND DEVOUR YOU IN YOUR DRIPPINGS!"

"...Yummy." Kira Yamato spoke sarcastically towards the second contestant, a large, red and white wyvern-ish dragon. "Screaming in our studio, we have Wagner, our second dragon contestant. So... Mr. Wagner." He looked up at the dragon. "It must be interesting to have a name shared with the great composer Richard Wagner, right?"

"There is also a human named Wagner?" The dragon was amazed, deep and fiery. "You will take me to this Wagner person after this is over, so I may challenge him to the death and regain the uniqueness of my name! Because humanity has already dealt us dragons a harsh hand, and taking my name is too much!"

Intimidated, the pilot continued. "Uh... sure, I'd love to, but he's sort of... uh, _dead_."

"WHAT?! When did he die?"

"Um..." Kira started sweating nervously. "He died around... crap, I'm only used to Cosmic Era years."

"Wilhelm Richard Wagner, operatic composer, born May 22, 1813, and died February 13, 1883. I have answered your query."

"... And the sagely wisdom that you just heard, folks, comes from our third contestant, the great sooth-saying dragon, Hindel." The camera pans to the large, yellow and gold, ground-hugging dragon. "Such wisdom you have, Mr. Hindel. Is it true that you can actually see into the past and the future?"

"That I can, Kira Yamato." His voice was deep, soothing, and calm. "I have foreseen the future, I foresaw you asking me this question, I foresaw your conception night," This comment made the host blush furiously out of embarrassment.

"NASTY, Hindel!" Belial added.

"And I have seen the beginning of all creation."

"Really now?" From shock to amazement, Kira stepped closer. "So... who created the _beginning_? God or the Big Bang?"

"If I told you, you and the brains of all who are watching this (or reading this, as it's a universal paradox) would shut off, and implode."

Kira and the other two dragons just stood there. "WOW." The only human noted. "So, could I ask a personal question, Mr. Hindel?"

"I have foreseen it, so ask away."

"Right... anyway, can you give me a snippet of my future?"

"A snippet, you ask?" The wise dragon smiled. "Very well, I will sate your curiosity." He closed his eyes, and waited for a few seconds. "..._You will have a child, Kira Yamato. He will become an asshole._"

"OOOOOHHH!" Wagner was giddy and loud. "Hindel, you served that human up alright! SLAP ME SOME SCALES!" The two dragons high-fived. "Up high!" And again. "Down low!" And again. "Around the side!" And again. "And back again!" And ended with a loud one.

"Okay, before this gets retardedly out of control, let's start with the game!" Kira Yamato looked up at the empty audience seats. "And, since there's surprisingly no audience members in the studio, whether it has to do with the DRAGONS in the building or low popularity, this is strictly for the viewers at home"

"Yes... All seven of them." Hindel quipped.

"OH DAMN TWO IN A ROW!" Belial chortled.

"Yes, good for you all." Kira lowered his head in defeat. "Okay, let's get the categories on board!" As soon as the prices and blank categories got on board, he cleared his throat. "Okay, let's reveal the categories: _Red_, _Demon Kings_, _Hot or Cold_, _**Potent Pota**_--Mr. Hindel, please stop anticipating what I'm going to say."

"Sorry." Hindel nodded. "I can't see into the future fact per fact, but when the time comes, it will happen."

"..._Potent Potables_, _Jaguars_, and _Wii_; which all of the answers in that category will be 'Wii'." He looked at the three dragons, cramped as they were. "Mr. Wagner, you may pick first."

"This game is meaningless to a superior dragon such as myself!"

The brunette only sighed. "If you win, we'll go back in time and kill Richard Wagner."

"Now THAT'S how a human should act! Like the dogs they are!" Wagner smiled evilly. "I will take _Hot or Cold_ for 400, human scum!"

"Okay, now here's the clue. When dragons breathe fire, is it hot or cold?" Kira looked up, seeing that none of the dragons were responding. "Seriously?? No one's answering?" One of the dragons pressed his buzzer. "Oh, I was worried for a minute. Belial?"

"I cannot breathe fire... anymore..." He muttered, unintentionally coughing up a chunk of armor.

"O...kay...? And why respond, then?" With a sigh, he looked at the other two dragons. "Hindel or Wagner?" The red dragon buzzed in next. "Thank goodness. Wagner?"

"**I** can breathe fire, human!"

"Well, aren't we special. Is it hot or cold to you?"

"Fool! I can't feel my own flames! And the victims who suffer from the excruciating death afterwards die so fast that they can't tell me whether it's hot or cold. So I'm going with cold, scum!"

"...Amazing..." The brunette host clasped his forehead. "Hindel, what about you?" The third dragon just stared at Kira knowingly.

"_Your asshole son will hit you in the balls for the first time at nine months old._"

"..." With that, Kira Yamato looked down at his podium, in knowing disgust. "Wow... I have hatred. And since NONE of you answered the question right, AT ALL, let's move on!"

"BULL$&W#!" Wagner cursed aloud.

"Mr. Wagner, please calm down. Mr. Belial, it's your turn."

"Very well." The lengthy dragon gazed upon the board. "Hmm... I will select _Crotchety Old Humans who have Enslaved my Soul_ for 1000, Kira."

With an astonished look, Kira glanced back at the set categories on the board. "Uh, you wouldn't happen to pick a category which is ALREADY on there, would you?"

"Oh, very well..." The dragon looked up, and grew a puzzled look on himself. "What is that '_Wii_' thing about? Whatever, I'll take it for 200, Kira."

"This should be amusing... okay, here's the clue. The name of this game console rhymes with 'Me'."

"Hmmmmm..." Was the collected hum of all three dragons, before the red dragon Wagner buzzed in. "What is Controversy?"

"...You've gotta be kidding me..." Kira could only say.

"Ha!" Belial spat... up a rusty gauntlet, then buzzed in. "You suck, Wagner. What is Guy (french sounding, of course)?"

"No! And the BRACKETS count too."

"Inconceivable!" Wagner buzzed in again. "What is Madagascar?"

"That's not even close!"

Belial buzzed again. "OOH! It's ZIMBABWE!"

"KNOCK IT OFF YOU GUYS!!"

As if on a regal note, the other two dragons stopped immediately, letting the gold-ish Hindel get a speak-say in. "_Kira Yamato, your death will come to you at the hands of your son, after he dismantles your mechanical monstrosity, and kills you with the spark plug._"

"Wow..." Belial was astonished. "That's one badass human... I certainly wouldn't want to come across that beast."

"Yes." Wagner added. "And what's a spark plug?"

The vein on Kira's head became MORE than visible. "Well, thank you for another grim vision of my own haunting death. Now let's review the scores." He was not satisfied at all. "Well, Mr. Belial and Mr. Wagner, you both have dug yourselves so deep down the hole, you're finding dinosaur fossils!"

"What are dinosaurs?" Belial wondered.

"And Mr. Hindel, on the otherhand, whether it was his plan or not, didn't buzz in even once, shooting out vision after vision of my own suffering--"

"Thank you, and good night--"

"--And now he has a nice, _zero_ lead. And... you know what? Screw it, we're going to Final Jeopardy! And our Final Jeopardy category is..." All the color left his skin, and was replaced with bitterness. "WHAT THE HELL?! The category is... _Emo Pilots_."

For the first time in a long time, the soothsaying dragon started laughing, in a way that would make Sean Connery proud. "My time has **finally come**, Kira Yamato!"

"I'm not--wait, I'm getting something from my announcer..." With an apparent sigh, Kira let loose an angst-filled groan. "Fine! Take your best shot at me!" And with that, the jeopardy theme started. "You can ask me whatever the hell you want, or taunt me needlessly, or tell me what my supposed son's supposed to do on his tenth birthday to me, or even mock how I had affection for my twin sister before I even knew she was my twin sister!"

The theme abruptly stopped, with all three dragons just staring quizzically. "Wow..." Hindel spoke up. "That's something not even **I** foresaw."

"Yeah, yeah, mistakes were made, big F&(2ing woop!" Suddenly calming down, the Gundam pilot walked up to the contestants' podiums, scrunched as they were. "Okay... Let's see how you have disappointed me. Mr. Belial, we'll start with you. Your response was--" He got out of the way, however, as the bluish dragon coughed up a chunk of armor, crunching his stand down. "...lost in the annals of time and possible idiocy."

"Did I win?" Belial asked.

"No. You failed horribly." Moving on to the next dragon, he looked up. "Mr. Wagner, let's see what your response was." The podium of the dragon's gave away his answer, in the form of the monitor sparking like heck. "I should've known you'd have destroyed it."

"I got tired with the stylus, so I dug my claw in instead. It was supposed to be drawn in the shape of a human's _middle digit_!"

Kira looked into the eyes of the dragon. "Yeah, and that's why we're not going back in time to kill Richard Wagner."

"DAMMIT!!"

"Alright, all that's left is to suffer under the torture of Mr. Hindel." The brunette walked over. "So, what did the soothsayer have to say now... 'For one with the patience and temperment of a God, you are an admirable human being, Kira Yamato.' Whoa..." Kira stared into the eyes of the dragon. "Do you really mean that?"

Hindel nodded. "You may have lashed out at me and my friends, when lesser humans would've been stepped on by my others for their supposed insolence, but the fact that you kept on going with us, shows that you have earned the respect to be a friend of the dragons."

"Really??"

"No." The dragons roared outloud in laughter.

"Don't be stupid!" Wagner razzed.

"But good for you."

"Hey, you know what, that's great!" Kira tossed his cards in the air in joy. "Hindel's the winner, and that's all for Cele--"

"Wait wait wait..." The soothsaying dragon called out. "Don't you wish to know what I wagered?"

"Uh... I really don't want to ruin this moment."

"Kira..."

"Okay. Fine. Mr. Hindel, let's see what you wagered." The monitor revealed all. " 'It doesn't help that you're so much of a pacifist emo that you actually installed a Kleenex box inside your cockpit'?! You know what? F&!2 you, Hindel! I'm gone!" And with that, the pilot of the Gundam Freedom left.

"Well, it looks like we'll have to see what new surprises come out next time, on _Celebrity Jeopardy: Multiverse Edition_!"

--

_Maybe we'll see y'all next time!_


End file.
